Dear Mr. Weiner;
I must regrettably inform you that Michael Jordan has turned down your generous offer to do a Hanes Underwear commercial with him. Michael's spokesperson hinted that Jordan felt that you (being, Jewish,white and middleaged) were wearing a "completely different size" than MJ. Oh well. Remember Anthony, as a famous violinist once told me " it's not the size of the bow, it's how you fiddle"!
Mr. Weiner( I mean " Carlos Danger ") , you got a real problem here. Perhaps you should check into Dr. Ruth's sex clinic, "The 4 Inch Program", to deal with this lightening " rod" issue. You could let your hair down and really let things hang out. The program requires being "sext-free" for 30 days in order to receive your certification . There is also a Masters(Not Master____e,you nitwit) program .
Anthony, get "ahold of yourself". You can't continue at your stage in life showing your genitals off on the internet.You're a married man,and a public(not pubic)figure.Moreover, rumors are swirling that you used Arnold Schwarzenegger's underwear photos as your own. Is there not any depth you won't sink to? At least use somebody's underwear shots which would be considered believable..Elliot Spitzer, John Edwards...or maybe Charlie Sheen?
Look , you gave this "come"-back your best shot. At this point, I beg you to throw in the towel(and underwear) . Carlos, I mean Anthony. Enough, is "enough" . The reality show we discussed , "Congressman in the Buff ", might be something. Or a possible career as a "stand-up" comic looks promising. Whatever you decide, please stop "dicking around", and drop out of the Mayor's race.
Very truly yours, "John Q Jockstrap".
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