Anthony Weiner(Wiener), You're a Sextaholic,More "Fit" To Be Mayor of Bang-Kok, Than New York!

 Dear  Mr.  Weiner;
    I   must  regrettably  inform  you   that Michael Jordan has turned  down your  generous   offer to do a Hanes Underwear commercial with him. Michael's spokesperson  hinted that  Jordan  felt  that you (being, Jewish,white and middleaged)  were  wearing a "completely different size" than MJ.  Oh well. Remember Anthony, as a famous violinist once told me "  it's not the size of the bow, it's how you fiddle"!
   Mr. Weiner( I mean " Carlos Danger ") , you got a real  problem here. Perhaps you should check into Dr. Ruth's  sex clinic,  "The 4 Inch Program", to deal with this  lightening " rod" issue. You could let your hair down and really let  things hang out. The program requires being "sext-free" for  30 days in order  to  receive your  certification . There is also a Masters(Not Master____e,you nitwit) program .
  Anthony, get "ahold of yourself". You can't continue at your stage in life  showing  your genitals off on the internet.You're a married man,and a  public(not pubic)figure.Moreover,  rumors  are swirling that  you used Arnold Schwarzenegger's  underwear photos as your own. Is  there not any depth you won't sink to? At least use somebody's  underwear shots which would be considered believable..Elliot Spitzer, John Edwards...or maybe Charlie Sheen?
  Look , you gave this  "come"-back  your best  shot. At this point,  I   beg you to throw in the towel(and underwear) . Carlos, I   mean  Anthony.  Enough, is "enough" .  The  reality show we discussed  , "Congressman   in the Buff ", might  be something. Or a possible  career as a "stand-up" comic looks promising. Whatever you decide, please stop "dicking  around", and drop out of the Mayor's race.

    Very truly yours,  "John Q  Jockstrap".

Emile Griffith Passes Away; One of Greatest Champions, But Still Remembered For That Tragic Fight in March 1962!

 Emile Griffith a 6-time World  Champion  in 3 different weight divisions died yesterday at age  75.  He  won the Welterweight, Junior Middleweight and Middleweight titles during  his  20 year professional boxing career. He was initially trained by Gil Clancy, one of the greats. Griffith  fought more than 110 professional  fights.
   Despite, his internationally  recognized-greatness as   a boxer,  he is best remembered  for  the March  1962  fight against "Kid " Paret in New York  . This fight , a grudge match of sorts between the two, was  hyped by Paret taunting Griffith  as  being "gay"(Maricon ) during  the   pre-fight   weighin. In the 12th and final round Griffith,  in  display of fury, by most accounts landed 24 straight shots to Paret's head. He was knocked unconscious and later died .
  It  was devastating to the  Paret  family and Griffith  as well. He would never be the same in the ring. He admitted to " holding back". It was not Griffith's fault though .  A confluence of factors  contributed to Paret's demise.
   Emile , you were great! You'll  always be remembered for your greatness.  Rest in  peace!!

Steve  "Dundee " Goldman reporting.

In Case You Were Wondering about Manny........

 I  , for one, thought that Manny Ramirez  had dropped off  the face of the earth. The last  I had heard, he was owed $20 million from the Dodgers  and was suspended for like a 100 games  for  using a banned substance.
  Well for those of  you who are still intrigued by the 41 year old,  the New York Times  reported  today that he  is now playing for the  Texas Rangers' Triple  A  affiliate after a brief stint in Taiwan. Shaved his hair off to please owner, Nolan Ryan, and apparently is a new, grounded man. Has 3 homers I believe in 12 games.  Trying to  live a simple, clean life.
    Hey, America is the land of second and third chances....So why not  Manny?  Spitzer and Weiner are trying it..555  homers and counting!  Manny being Manny.

Steve Goldman  reporting.

Blythe Masters And Goldman, Sachs...It's Only Another $500 Million...No Biggie!

I   got an idea. Going forward, every MBA  program and every Investment Bank orientation for new hires   should  have a mandatory course called  " money-making schemes without a conscience". In reality , that's what a  large part of the the Wall Street " monopoly  money"  culture has become . It  all started with 3 key ingredients; Greed(greed, and greed) , legal loopholes and  the  lack of any conscience on Wall Street.
  The fine arts of  betting against your client's position, selling toxic, mortgaged-back securities, buying and dismantling companies, going public or private and overleveraging the  new entity to pay for upper managements' sale of stock, taking multi-billion  dollar  risks in the derivative  markets  and of  course  turning money losing businesses into  profit centers  would  be the   subjects  taught at the masters level. Grasping these concepts would  guarantee to put you on the fast-track in today's Wall Street.
  Yes, turning money losing electric companies into profit centers is  exactly what Masters and  Goldman Sachs did. It will cost them a cool  $ 500 million in fines and/or penalties.Wowee.
   A deterrent to Wall Street?  Of course not. More like an  incentive...Yes, an incentive  to dream up another scheme to earn back that $500   million as soon as possible.  And the beat goes on.....

Steve   "Getko " Goldman reporting.

Mehta World Peace a Knick....I Like It!

I'm happy, curious how he'll perform  and  I  can tell you one thing.  He's a huge improvement over the 120  year old trio of Kurt Thomas, Marcus  Camby  and  Rasheed Wallace from last year. Peace is in great shape, is still an excellent defender,(can guard all 5 positions) shoots the 3 and rebounds. If he can come to camp in shape, with his head in the game...he'll be a great addition.
  Of course , if  Mike Woodson had hair, there is no doubt  Peace would cause it to go gray very quickly. He's a perfect fit in Woodson's defensive schemes. New York will love him.
   I  can tell you one thing. It will be interesting!  Can't wait.

Steve Red Goldman reporting.

Penn State Revisited; Reports that Settlement is Brewing for Sandusky Victims!

The New York Times reported  this weekend  that   settlement discussions were taking place between the attorneys for the plaintiffs and Penn State . While there are statute of limitations and immunity issues lurking out there, a  " fair settlement" will be the only  appropriate closure of the worst chapter  in Penn State history. My gut tells me that these  cases will settle individually in the $750,000 to $ 5 million range, and will be paid  by Penn State with contributions from their insurers.
  Of course we'll  never know, as an ironclad confidentiality agreement will attach to the settlements. We can only  hope that  this  settlement  money  will provide some security and comfort  in life, that these young men might never of had.  It certainly won't erase  the memories!

Don't Look Now; Dow Jones Has Crept Back to 15,460?

So what does it all really mean? Dow cracks the 15,000 mark,  then gets pounded a bit and sinks into the 14,000's. Then  lo and behold, it creeps back to the  mid  15,000 range. These fluctuations  are the daily results of the market responding to any bit  of national or global  news that would affect investor confidence.
   In my opinion , the swings are  fun to watch....but what do they really mean in the long run?

16,000, here we come!

Andy Murray, You Are The Champion of Wimbledon!

Congrats to Andy Murray  and  his  passionate British fans. You did it!  Next, number 1?

Steve  "Henman "  Goldman reporting.

Wimbledon; Roger, Rafa, Serena and Maria out...Still a Tremendous Tourney!

Who woulda believed that these 4 players would be out by the 3rd round? Nobody, that's who! Despite upsets and injuries, this has been a great, exciting event. Yesterday's  Djokovic-Del  Potro semi was one for the ages.
  And what a culmination of the 2 weeks....Andy playing Novak in the final. Shootout at the OK Corral!
  
  Breakfast at Wimbledon tomorrow. And don't make   lunch plans.


Steve  " Bud " Goldman reporting.

Happy and Safe "Independence Day" to All!!!

Just wanted to  take a moment to wish friends, family and my customers a safe and enjoyable 4th of July!
  Have one on me!

Guess Who's Coming To Dinner? Paula Deen Is Having Sergio Garcia Over for Fried Chicken!

  Let's look at this objectively . It is 2013 and Paula Deen is  is still using the "N  Word".  She's a racist, plain and  simple . Sergio Garcia is also a racist. So in light of their  mutual ignorance, there is only one thing to do.  Yes, Paula's going to cook fried  chicken for Sergio and  her 3  remaining  sponsors  at her place. Retired members of the KKK  will  serve as waiters and bus "boys".  Motown music will be piped in through the sound system  and  JayZ  will perform live. All to be followed by an NBA live dunk contest in her living room.
    After dinner ,  meditation  and sensitivity training. Then Paula will attempt not to use the N Word for 15 straight minutes. If  successful,  Paula and Sergio will be driven to  Harlem....Yes, to actually be exposed to black people. Can you believe it?  A cooking apprenticeship  will  be arranged for her at Sylvias, so she can taste real soul food. And Sergio, bad news . You've been kicked off  the PGA Tour. But the good news is that you'll be Tiger Woods' caddy for the next 12 months while you learn tolerance.
  Paula and Sergio...Are you getting the point?  Your minds are warped and you're out of touch! But hey, it's not too late to  change . It's sadly, no way to go through life.....And most importantly, maybe you won't  expose another generation to your hatred.